5 Things Your Therapist Wants You to Know

By Amy Stevens PhD, LMSW

1. Modality matters, but fit matters more

EMDR, DBT, EFT, IFS, ART, SE, Psychodynamic, CBT … Therapy comes with its own language that refers to a therapist’s modality. Each modality, or way of doing therapy, has a unique way of helping. A therapist’s modality can tell you a bit about what it’s like to be in a session with that therapist, so it’s always a good idea to ask your therapist about the modality they recommend for you. However, while modality matters, the relationship you have with your therapist matters even more! In fact, the most important factor in whether therapy will be beneficial is finding a therapist who is a good fit for you. This is more important than your therapist’s training, experience, or modality. It bears repeating: Modality matters, but a good fit matters even more.

2. Therapists are not (normally) advice givers

At times, therapists will offer guidance, education, or recommendations. But their core role is to provide a space for you to reflect, heal, learn skills, regulate your emotions, process trauma, and gain insight into yourself. The work of therapy can help you make major life decisions, but it does this by helping you use your own strengths, insight, and self-knowledge to make the best decision for yourself. This work goes much deeper than advice and will serve you well as you face other life decisions and transitions. For easy answers, advice columns are always fun – but for real, lasting change, therapy is the deeper path!

3. Yes, we saw you in the store!

You can feel confident knowing that your therapist will protect your confidentiality at all times, even when running errands! A lot of us live in the same towns, shop at the same stores, or have kids in the same schools as you. And because our relationship with you is unique, many therapists choose not to acknowledge you in public places (unless you acknowledge them first) to protect your confidentiality. If this feels uncomfortable to you, you can talk with your therapist about how you’d like to handle running into them in the wild. (Or say hi first!!)

4. How to prepare for your session

The most important thing for you to bring to therapy is yourself, exactly as you are in that moment – whether that is tired, anxious, sad, angry, confused, happy, numb ... you are more than enough without any preparation. However, if you want a session to be focused or helpful in a specific area, it’s not a bad idea to make note of what’s come up for you this week. You’ll find that you’ll go into some sessions knowing exactly what you’re bringing to talk about and, in other sessions, you’ll just show up. Both ways are okay. Both ways are good. 

5. The relationship is key

Your relationship with your therapist is ultimately the difference between therapy that is helpful for you and therapy that is not. It’s a game changer when you’re with a therapist who is the right fit for you. The right-fit therapist creates a space where you feel safe, respected, and understood, even in moments when they’re challenging you. The relationship you have with your therapist -- feeling safe in the space they create with you – is the most important ingredient to successful therapy!

Ready to meet with Amy or one of our therapists?